Registered Members Login:
Forgotten Your Details? Click Here To Recover +
Welcome To The ShareCafe Community - Talk Shares And Take Stock With Smart Investors - New Here? Click To Register >

763 Pages (Click to Jump) V   1 2 3 4 > »    
Reply to this topic

A little Friday humour, OR any day you want to share a laugh
post Posted: Mar 1 2019, 08:50 AM
  Quote Post

Posts: 5,395
Thanks: 1960

... if only we could avoid the losses, we would all be winners.

The first rule of making money in the share market is not to lose it.

So here are my top-10 tips on not losing money:

Inside information
I have a colleague who has traded professionally all his life. It’s what he does. He tells us: “If I had never been given any inside information, I would be a million pounds better off than I am today”.

Initial public offerings
The golden rule of initial public offerings is that if it’s any good you won’t get offered it.
If you get offered it, you don’t want it.
IPOs are not a road to gold. Most of them are insiders selling you their company at the highest price they can get.

Pretending to be Warren Buffett
The concept that you can emulate the legendary Warren Buffett has cost investors more than it has ever made them.
No-one has ever managed to replicate Buffett’s performance.
The concept that you can is the biggest drawcard the equity market marketing department has ever played and it is a lie. We all keep buying the dream.

In our search for answers to the stock market’s unanswerable questions, we credit our commentators with vastly more powers than they could possibly deserve or possess.
And dangerously, he who guesses the boldest guesses the longest.

The biggest killer of them all. Approaching the stock market with greed is like running onto a battlefield in bright orange. It will get you.

Leverage is marketed one way but it works both ways. You lose much faster as well. That means it only works for some of the time — not all of the time.
It only works when you are right and with average equity returns after interest, transaction costs, inflation and tax of close to zero.
You had better be right and right at the right time.
You cannot habitually use leverage to “invest” — unless you have a massive financial cushion.

What’s the core function of the finance industry? I’ll tell you. It’s marketing.
The finance industry is never short of a success story to free your wallet from its back pocket, so we sell success and examples of the successful, and suggest it comes from mere participation in financial markets.
When it comes to marketing, losers don’t attract attention, so you won’t hear about those.
The winners stay and play and we raise them up. The losers, conveniently, go away.

The root of all happiness. The root of all unhappiness. Expect the unexpectable and expect the inevitable. Best you expect the expectable.

The nucleus of many of the market’s very large and public losses.
There has been more money lost through laziness than effort.
Let’s get this straight. There is no easy route to riches in the stock market. There is no free lunch, so participation without effort is not enough.

My mum used to say there are three foundations for spiritual and financial happiness and success — your relationship, your job and where you live. Get one of those wrong and they all go wrong.

No mention of the stock market in there. The stock market is not life. It is a side issue.

The biggest financial decisions you will make in your life have nothing to do with the stock market.

Like getting married, getting divorced, having kids, investing in your home and committing to your career or your business. These are the biggest financial decisions you’ll ever make. Focus on those.

The stock market is not a priority.
- Marcus Padley

"Every long-term security is nothing more than a claim on some expected future stream of cash that will be delivered into the hands of investors over time. For a given stream of expected future cash payments, the higher the price investors pay today for that stream of cash, the lower the long-term return they will achieve on their investment over time." - Dr John Hussman

"If I had even the slightest grasp upon my own faculties, I would not make essays, I would make decisions." ― Michel de Montaigne
post Posted: Jan 11 2019, 08:34 AM
  Quote Post

Posts: 547
Thanks: 203

How to handle a phone scam

Said 'Thanks' for this post: triage  lgrif  
post Posted: Nov 25 2018, 12:27 PM
  Quote Post

Posts: 547
Thanks: 203


A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

post Posted: Nov 23 2018, 03:17 PM
  Quote Post

Posts: 5,699
Thanks: 2125

Hedgeye's cartoon of the day (USA Thanksgiving Day) - "Thankful" - do these turkey's know something the Bull doesn't?
Attached File(s)
Attached File  DsjKjMOWkAEzmFd.jpg ( 129.82K ) Number of downloads: 7
Attached File  DsiQvUmX4AAo9jq.jpg ( 144.5K ) Number of downloads: 6


The herd instinct among forecasters makes sheep look like independent thinkers. Edgar Fiedler

If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter. George Washington
joules mm1
post Posted: Nov 10 2018, 10:51 AM
  Quote Post

Posts: 916
Thanks: 196

channelling your inner Clive James
Kellyann Conway

" In an interview with the Washington Post in August, Conway said her husband’s tweets were viewed as “disrespectful” but did not want to talk about them.

“I’ve never actually said what I think about it and I won’t say what I think about it, which tells you what I think about it,” she told the Post."

. . . . . . . . everything has an the instance of the auction process, the only thing, needed to be listened to; price
joules mm1
post Posted: Nov 8 2018, 02:02 PM
  Quote Post

Posts: 916
Thanks: 196

top read
(not a spoiler): An office screw-up at a talent agency for the ages
Personal story 2 hours ago
The often ruthless and ungrateful world of climbing the talent agency ladder gets more complicated if you cross someone like @quinncy's former boss.

. . . . . . . . everything has an the instance of the auction process, the only thing, needed to be listened to; price

Said 'Thanks' for this post: blacksheep  

post Posted: Sep 19 2018, 04:01 PM
  Quote Post

Posts: 2

Me reading this all

post Posted: Aug 26 2018, 05:09 PM
  Quote Post

Posts: 547
Thanks: 203

post Posted: Aug 26 2018, 10:07 AM
  Quote Post

Posts: 547
Thanks: 203


Pause for thought

Robbers entered a bank in a small town.

One of them shouted: "Don't move! The money belongs to the bank. Your lives belong to you."

Immediately all the people in the bank lay on the floor quietly and without panic.

This is an example of how the correct wording of a sentence can make everyone change their view of the situation.

One woman lay on the floor in a provocative manner.

The robber approached her saying, "Ma'am, this is a robbery not a rape.

Please behave accordingly."

This is an example of how to behave professionally, and focus on the goal.

While running from the bank the youngest robber, who had a college degree, said to the oldest robber, who had barely finished elementary school:

"Hey, maybe we should count how much we stole?" The older man replied:

"Don't be stupid. It's a lot of money so let's wait for the news on TV to find out how much money was taken from the bank."

This is an example of how life experience is more important than a degree.

After the robbery, the manager of the bank said to his accountant: "Let's call the cops and tell them how much has been stolen".

"Wait, said the Accountant, "before we do that, let's add the $800,000 we took for ourselves a few months ago and just say that it was stolen as part of today's robbery."

This is an example of taking advantage of an opportunity.

The following day it was reported in the news that the bank was robbed of $3 million. The robbers then counted the money, but they found only $1 million so they started to grumble.

"We risked our lives for $1 million, while the bank's management robbed two million dollars without blinking.

Maybe it's better to learn how to work the system, instead of being a simple robber."

This is an example of how knowledge can be more useful than power.

Moral: Give a person a gun, and he can rob a bank. Give a person a bank, and he can rob everyone.

Said 'Thanks' for this post: mullokintyre  Pendragon  
post Posted: Jul 23 2018, 12:39 PM
  Quote Post

Posts: 547
Thanks: 203

Subject: Doctor in Dublin

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work, so he approached his assistant!

"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic so I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients."

"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So, Murphy, how was your day?"

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol."

"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says Murphy.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the turd one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her knickers and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen a man!'

"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes, and sent her to Specsavers.


763 Pages (Click to Jump) V   1 2 3 4 > » 

Back To Top Of Page
Reply to this topic

You agree through the use of ShareCafe, that you understand and accept the TERMS OF USE.