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A little Friday humour, OR any day you want to share a laugh
rlane
post Posted: Nov 17 2020, 01:40 PM
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Charlie does a pretty good lip sync

https://www.bitchute.com/video/Ndrwql3LKPAs/

 
surfer
post Posted: Nov 13 2020, 01:23 PM
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A sneak peek of the new James Bond movie - Golden hair

Someone went to an awful lot of work to put this together and did a great job matching words with the mouths. The little sublime things, like a hairpiece flying off when he jumps off a dam, are terrific! Be sure to have your volume turned up. I understand this picture is going to be nominated and win best picture, best actor and best director in the forthcoming Academy Awards. Be the first to see the new James Bond Movie 'Golden hair!!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKf0k482PZQ


Said 'Thanks' for this post: Pendragon  
 
surfer
post Posted: Nov 10 2020, 01:27 PM
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It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds..


As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car..

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it?

'Heavens no, we bought it.'

'Then why don't you drive it away.'

We can't drive.'

Then why did you buy it?'

'We were told that if we bought a Used car here
we'd get screwed ......so we're just waiting.




Said 'Thanks' for this post: early birds  
 
surfer
post Posted: Nov 9 2020, 11:36 AM
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Urine Test




My urologist's office called the other day and explained that my scheduled appointment would now be done over the phone due to the coronavirus.




One hour before the scheduled teleconference, I was instructed (via email) to administer my own urine test. This was to avoid those lab tests and costly co-pays that your doctor's tell you to get at Quest Diagnostics, and because they're shutdown too.




Directions:




Simply go outside and pee on the front lawn.




If ant's gather: DIABETES.




If you pee on your feet: PROSTATE.




If it smells like a barbecue: CHOLESTEROL.




If your wrist hurts when you shake it: OSTEOARTHRITIS.




If you return to your house with your penis outside your pants: ALZHEIMER'S.


 
rlane
post Posted: Nov 6 2020, 02:20 PM
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Two dyslexic guys are at the top of a ski slope.

One points to the slalom run and says, "Fancy zig zagging down the slalom run?"

The other replies,"Zig zag? Don't you mean zag zig?"

After ten minutes arguing whether slalom involved zig zagging or zag zigging, they both decide to ask someone at the bottom of the slope.

They put their goggles on and down the slope they go. They reach the bottom and see a man about to make his way up the hill.

"Excuse me, could you settle an argument for us? When you go down a slalom run do you zig zag or zag zig?"

The guy paused for a moment and said, "I'm sorry, I can't help you. I'm a tobogganist."






So the pair replied, "Fine, give us two packs of Marlboro then."


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surfer
post Posted: Nov 5 2020, 10:19 AM
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Garfield on the oil crisis




A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in Australia ..
Well, there's a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.

Our OIL is located in

Bass Strait

East Queensland Shale Fields

Canning Basin

Perth Basin

and

North-West Continental Shelf

Our DIPSTICKS are located in Canberra !!!


Any questions???

NO?


I didn't think so.


Said 'Thanks' for this post: henrietta  mullokintyre  
 


mullokintyre
post Posted: Oct 22 2020, 06:41 AM
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Arnie Schwaznegger , Sylvester Stallone and Daniel Craig were sitting around having a few beers and discussing how they were sick of being type cast as violent he men saving the world all the time.
Arnie says, “Ya, I alvays vanted to play a more challenging role that shows my softer arty side.
Daniel Craig says, “Why don’t we star in movies about musicians?? i would play Edward Elgar, Britains finest composer.”
Sly says, “Yeah, I would play the great Italian Composer, Pucini, maybe even sing a few operettas”.
Arnie just says, “ I’ll be Bach”.

Mick



--------------------
sent from my Olivetti Typewriter.

Said 'Thanks' for this post: surfer  rlane  
 
surfer
post Posted: Oct 21 2020, 12:30 PM
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An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So, he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to
Orlando, thinking that he would start by working
his way across the USA from South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking
photographs, when he noticed a golden telephone
mounted on the wall with a sign that read,
'$10,000 per call'.


The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by, what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to
heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along
his way.


Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large
cathedral, he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same sign under it.


He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven
and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.
'O.K., thank you,' said the American.


He then travelled all across America, Europe,
England, Japan, New Zealand. In every church he
saw the same looking golden telephone, with the
same '$US10,000 per call' sign under it.

The American decided to travel to Australia to see
if Australians had the same phone.


He arrived at Noosa in Australia and again,
in the first church he entered, there was the same
looking golden telephone, but this time the sign
under it read, '40 cents per call.'


The American was surprised, so he asked the
priest about the sign.

'Father, I've travelled all over the world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in all of them, the price was $10,000 per call.


Why is it so cheap here?'


The priest smiled and answered,

'You're in Australia now, son -

"This is Heaven,"

so it's a local call'.


 
early birds
post Posted: Oct 15 2020, 08:45 AM
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Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from NYC, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Detroit, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon, from Boston, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Houston chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from DC., shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.'
==================

i really laughed!! lmaosmiley.gif


Said 'Thanks' for this post: surfer  
 
surfer
post Posted: Oct 4 2020, 12:00 PM
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Subject: Fwd: Harrods

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a Salesman standing right behind her – Good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. He politely greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam. How may we help You today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, "what is the price of this Lovely bracelet?"

He answers, “Madam – if you farted just looking at it – you’re going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!”




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