A little Friday humour

[nipper]

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
 

[nipper]

Being the child of deaf parents is no ordinary upbringing. Thirtyone year old Glaswegian comedian Ray Bradshaw has carved out a stand up career mining a rich seam of stories from his childhood.

"If I swore as a kid while signing, my parents would take me into the kitchen and wash my hands with soap," he jokes.

Edited January 4 by nipper

[nipper]

Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the Nobel Prize? It was outstanding in its field.

[nipper]

My reputation suffered when I was driving taxis. People were always talking behind my back.

So I became a bus driver, and it got worse.

[nipper]

Putin dies and goes to hell, but after a while, he is given a leave pass for a day.  He goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a vodka, and asks the bartender: “Is Crimea still ours?”

“Yes, it is.”

“What about the Donbas?”

“Also ours.”

“And Kyiv?”

“We still have it in our sights”

Satisfied, Putin smiles, finishes his drink, and asks: “Thanks, how much do I owe you?”

“4 Euros or $US4.20 ... either will do."

[nipper]

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."

The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.

Robot for sale.