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A little Friday humour


mminion

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No Underwear Poses Health Risk

 

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

 

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

 

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

 

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

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TO PASS THE TIME: BY LOOKING AT A PICTURE OF A PERSON, YOU HAVE TO DECIDE IF HE IS A PROGRAM LANGUAGE INVENTOR OR A SERIAL KILLER.

 

GO WITH YOUR GUT FEELING. Click on the link ...

HYPERLINK " http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz"

 

I did the test. Seems I'm good at differentiating between programmers and serial killers - scored 9/10.

 

In practical terms, guess that means you could go out with me on a dark night and I could tell you who you could talk to and who you should run from, BUT one out of ten times I'd be wrong and we'd get chopped up.

 

Now if I could just repeat that result with my investments all would be well in the world.

 

Regards,

Cris

 

 

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INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0

 

Dear Tech Support,

 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

 

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0. and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

 

What can I do?

 

Signed,

Desperate

 

=========================

 

Dear Desperate,

 

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

 

Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

 

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

 

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

 

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

 

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

 

Good Luck,

Tech Support

 

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This cant be real but its a good joke at least.

 

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER

(the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

 

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange.

 

He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

 

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

 

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