A little Friday humour

[walbrook]

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to

operate on.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my

operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is

numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians!

Everything inside them is colour-coded.'

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the

best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Mechanics.

Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over

at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're

all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no

guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two

moving parts - the mouth and the ar*%#le and they are

interchangeable'

[theadder]

Where has it gone??

 

Not funny once I read it, so it has been deleted...

[veeone]

Global Warming Protesters are at it again!!

[healyn]

World's Shortest Fairy Tale...

 

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, NO!'

 

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and brandy and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

 

The end

 

 

[mminion]

Gibraltar Airport's single runway is one of very few in the world (and certainly the largest example) to intersect a public road. That's correct: a public road. Operating similarly to a train crossing, traffic travelling along Winston Churchill Avenue in Gibraltar is brought to a halt each time a plane either lands or takes-off.

 

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3555/3594298451_cc193d59c7_o.jpg

[veeone]

Nutrition & Exercise: The Facts

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don''t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat; your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain....Good.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they''re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO..... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!

[Cha]

BURN THE CANDLES, USE THE NICE SHEETS, WEAR THE FANCY LINGERIE.

DON'T SAVE IT FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION. TODAY IS SPECIAL.

 

- Regina Brett -

 

TOMORROW IS THE WEEKEND. ENJOY.

[Cha]

NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL, GET UP, DRESS UP AND SHOW UP.

 

- Regina Brett -

 

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND. ENJOY.

[Cha]

YOUR JOB WON'T TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU ARE SICK. YOUR FRIENDS AND PARENTS WILL. STAY IN TOUCH. FRIENDS ARE THE FAMILY THAT WE CHOOSE FOR OURSELVES.

 

- Regina Brett -

 

SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

 

[datum]

its sad m.j. has passed on, but this statement from this article made me laugh

 

http://business.brisbanetimes.com.au/busin...90626-czfi.html

 

"The concert promoters can't sue the estate," said Bob Rasmussen, dean of the Gould Law School at the University of Southern California. "Once he dies, he doesn't have any obligation to perform."