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A little Friday humour


mminion

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Financial Crisis and Employment http://www.sharescene.com/html/emoticons/ohmy.gif

 

 

 

This makes me want to go and get a check up, thank god I'm self employed!

 

Dear All

 

Due to the current financial situation caused by the

Slowdown of economy in US since last Christmas, Management

Has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years

Of age on early retirement. This scheme will be known as

RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be

RAPEd can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT

Scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who

Have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW

Scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may

Be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as

Management deems appropriate.

 

Persons who have been RAPEd can only get AIDS (Additional

Income for Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings

For Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons

Who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any

Further by management. Persons staying on will receive as

Much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it

Gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive

Enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your

Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT

You can handle..

 

Sincerely,

 

The Management

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Posted Images

Paddy's mate tells him that he should shut the curtains before having sex with his wife,

because last night all the street was watching and laughing.

Paddy says, " well the joke is on them, cos I wasn't even in last night!"

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In reply to: kelt on Wednesday 03/12/08 06:42pm

I must admit that I'd be quite smitten by someone twice my size and with a enough forehead to land a small aircraft on.

Then again maybe not...... http://www.sharescene.com/html/emoticons/stun.gif

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Top 10 stupid gifts

 

1. Screaming Chicken, The World's Most Annoying Toy:

 

This rubber chicken doesn't squeak or squawk. It screams.

 

2. Wealth Redistribution 2008 Holiday Ornament:

 

This tree ornament announces that the ornament that used to be there has been removed and given to someone who needs it more. The Redistribution Holiday Ornament will let everyone know you're spreading the wealth whether you want to or not.

 

3. Mini Guitar Hero:

 

This miniature version of that mega-hit game is barely 6-inches long but you can still rock out to songs by Queen, Cheap Trick, Nirvana, and The Police.

 

4. Potty Putter:

 

Why waste time on the toilet, when you can use it to get ready for the fairway? Potty Putter contains everything you need for an exciting round of golf without leaving your seat including a putting green for around the toilet, mini putter, flag stick and two golf balls.

 

5. Wasabi Flavored Gumballs:

 

These potent little green confections offer an intense explosion of wasabi. Strangely, the gum is actually delicious.

 

6. Men's Underwear Repair Kit:

 

In this troubled economy, don't throw away your old underwear but repair it with the Men's Underwear Repair Kit. This handy, inexpensive kit provides everything you need to get your unsightly undershorts back into presentable shape.

 

7. Obama "Yes We Can" Opener:

 

Every election spawns some interesting products, but this has to be one of the stupidest. To Obama fans, the "Yes, We Can" opener, seizing on his campaign refrain, could be a treasure.

 

8. "How To Tie A Tie" Tie:

 

Still struggle with your tie? This stylish tie has simple knot-tying instructions printed right on the front. Just follow the six step-by-step diagrams and you'll look as dashing as George Clooney in seconds.

 

9. 2009 Dog Poop Calendar:

 

Each month features a spectacular landscape or breathtaking tableau, but somewhere in every shot there's a pile of dog poop. Distasteful? You bet it is, but the contrast between the beautiful photography and dog poop is remarkable.

 

10. Pole Dancer Alarm Clock:

 

When the alarm goes off, dance music plays and disco lights flash. At the same time, a buxom blonde dancer gyrates around a pole under the spinning disco ball.

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A boy asks his father to explain the differences among irritation, aggravation, and frustration.

 

His father picks up the phone and dials a number at random. When the phone is answered, he asks, "Can I speak to Alf, please?"

 

"No! There's no one called Alf here," says the person who answered the phone.

 

His father hangs up. "That's irritation," he says.

 

He picks up the phone again, dials the same number, and asks for Alf a second time. "No-there's no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall telephone the police," the person says.

 

His father hangs up and says, "That's aggravation."

 

"Then what's frustration?" asks his son. The father picks up the phone and dials the same number a third time.

 

"Hello, this is Alf. Have I received any phone calls?" he asks casually.

 

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