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A little Friday humour


mminion

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Paddy and his two friends are talking at work.

 

His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

 

His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

 

Paddy says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse."

Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

 

"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our

bed."

 

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An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site

noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time

with them to correct their ways.

 

 

She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with

them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot

where the men were eating.

 

 

She walked up to the group and with a big smile said: "Do you men know

Jesus Christ?"

 

They shook their heads and looked at each other.

One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

 

One of the steelworkers yelled down a "Yea. Why"?

 

The worker yelled back

"His wife's here with his lunch."

 

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Earl and Bubba, two good ole boys from Dixie are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoke to me in over two months."

 

 

 

Earl spits, sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

 

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In reply to: greggy27 on Monday 30/07/07 07:50am

im just seeing this:

 

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cheers PC

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I know this has done the rounds- http://www.sharescene.com/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif

 

My favourite Murray Walker quotes (for those that don't know him he was a famous F1 commentator who recently retired):

 

"Alboreto has dropped back up to fifth place"

 

"As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is 5th"

 

"and this is the third placed car about to lap the second placed car"

 

"...Cruel luck for Alesi, second on the grid. That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year..."

 

"...and there's no damage to the car.....except to the car itself."

 

"This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines, and not just up, but down as well."

 

"...the lead is now 6.9 seconds. In fact it's just under 7 seconds"

 

"Now the Frenchman Jacques Lafitte is as close to Surer as Surer is to Lafitte"

 

"We're now on the 73rd lap and the next one will be the 74th."

 

"I know it's an old cliche, but you can cut the atmosphere with a cricket stump"

 

"And he's done that in a whisker under 10 seconds, call it 9.7 in round figures".

 

"I'll stop my startwatch"

 

"I should imagine that the conditions in the cockpit are unimaginable!"

 

"I've no idea what Eddie Irvine's orders are, but he's following them superlatively well."

 

"Stewart have two cars in the top five - Magnusson 5th and Barichello 6th"

 

"It's lap 26 of 58, which unless I'm very much mistaken is half way"

 

When Pedro Diniz Sauber caught fire " Fire! Fire!, Diniz in the oven"

 

"...and HERE COMES DAMON HILL IN THE WILLIAMS!!!!.....this car is absolutely unique!....except for the one behind it....which is exactly the same..."

 

"I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong" [Murray on his style of commentary]

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