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The Knob



A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift.


The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.


Of course the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman kept tightening the knob, and the effects were wonderful, and the woman remained young-looking and vibrant.


After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn The Knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them. The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."


"Well," she said, "I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee!!!!

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A couple made a pact that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.


After a long time the husband died and true to his word made contact with his wife.


She heard the call of "Connie, Connie " one day and knew it was her late husband. She asked what the afterlife was like.


He said "Well , I get up pretty early and have sex. Then I have a nice breakfast and its off around the golf course. Then I bathe in the sun and have sex some more. I have lunch , some more sex and another romp around the golf course. After dinner , I loll around and have some more sex. Next day it's pretty much the same."


Connie listened and said "It sounds like you are in Heaven"


"Heaven ?" came the answer " I'm not in Heaven. I came back as a rabbit living on a golf course at Yarrawonga"





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In reply to: Mission X on Saturday 16/06/07 10:07pm

I can't believe that someone can sing like that without have been trained. So, I expect that he must have had some sort opera singing instruction. I suppose also, professional opera critics might have found some fault in his voice but it sounded terrific to my untrained ear and it certainly moved the judges and the audience.

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In reply to: Smartman_plc on Sunday 17/06/07 07:08am

Yeah......was that real?

a good, feel good thing , but was that real??


cheers PC

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The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section

> called the "Style Invitational". The requirements this week were to

> use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the Intern) and 'Kaczynski' (the

> Unabomber) in the same limerick. Now, remember, the following

> winning entries were actually printed verbatim in the newspaper, no

> bleeps or xxxs:


> Third place:


> There once was a girl named Lewinsky

> Who played on a flute like Stravinsky

> 'Twas "Hail to the Chief"

> On this flute made of beef

> That stole the front page from Kaczynski.


> Second place:


> Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,

> "We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,

> Since you made such a mess,

> Use the hem of your dress

> And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky."


> And the winning entry:


> Lewinsky and Clinton have shown

> What Kaczynski must surely have known,

> That an intern is better

> Than a bomb in a letter,

> When deciding how best to be blown.


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