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A little Friday humour


mminion

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The December attempted robbery of a BB&T bank in Chesapeake, Va., was aborted when the robber and the teller arrived at a stalemate. The robber pushed a holdup note across the counter, but the teller read it, said, ÃÆâ€â„¢ÃƒÆ’ƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚¢ÃƒÆ’¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢â€š¬Ã…¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚¬ÃƒÆ’…¡Ãƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚¬ÃƒÆ’â€Â¦ÃƒƒÂ¢Ãƒ¢Ã¢Ã¢â€š¬Ã…¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚¬ÃƒÆ’…âہ“I canÃÆâ€â„¢ÃƒÆ’ƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚¢ÃƒÆ’¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢â€š¬Ã…¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚¬ÃƒÆ’…¡Ãƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚¬ÃƒÆ’¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢â€š¬Ã…¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚¬ÃƒÆ’…¾Ãƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚¢t accept this,ÃÆâ€â„¢ÃƒÆ’ƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚¢ÃƒÆ’¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢â€š¬Ã…¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚¬ÃƒÆ’…¡Ãƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚¬ÃƒÆ’â€Å¡Ãƒƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚ and passed it back. The robber pushed the note through a second time. The teller wadded the note up and tossed it back at the robber, who picked it up and walked out.

And the robbery of a liquor store in Greenville, S.C., in February was aborted when the clerk ran out of the store after the perpetrator told him to empty the register, while pointing his bare index finger at him, simulating a gun.

Could only happen in ..............

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>

> THE 2003 STELLA AWARDS

>

> It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella

> Awards.

>

> The Stella's are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck who spilled

> coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired

> the Stella

> Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.

>

> Unfortunately the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonald's, the

> teens who allege that eating at McDonald's has made them fat, was

> filed after the 2002 award voting was closed. This suit will top the

> 2003 awards list without question.

>

> THIS YEAR'S AWARDS GO TO:

>

> 5th place (Tied).

>

> Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of

> her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was

> running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were

> understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving

> toddler was Ms. Robertson's Son.

>

> 5th place (Tied).

>

> 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical

> expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.

> Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the

> car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.

>

> 5th place (Tied).

>

> Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had

> just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the

> garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was

> malfunctioning. He could

> not re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage

> locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation and Mr.

> Dickson

> found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of

> Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's

> insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The

> Jury

> agreed to the tune of $500,000.

>

> 4th place.

>

> Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and

> medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door

> neighbour's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's

> fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the

> dog might have been a little

> provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence

> into

> the yard, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

>

> 3rd place.

>

> A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of

> Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and

> broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.

> Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier, during an

> argument.

>

> 2nd place.

>

> Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a Night Club in a

> neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor

> and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms.

> Walton was trying to sneak in the window of the Ladies Room to avoid

> paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental

> expenses.

>

> 1st Place.

>

> This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,

> Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motorhome. On

> his trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the

> freeway, he set

> the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go

> into

> the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the RV left

> the

> freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not

> advising him in the owner's manual that he could not actually do this.

> The

> jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motorhome. The company

> actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in case

> there

> were any other complete morons buying their recreational vehicles.

>

>

> WHY ARE INSURANCE PREMIUMS SO HIGH ?????

>

> ***** 99% OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST OF THE PROFESSION A BAD NAME

> *****

>

 

 

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A kitten born with four ears

 

A kitten born with four ears is desperately seeking a new home because her owners can't afford to have her neutered, according to German animal shelter officials.

 

Six-month-old Lilly, born on a farm in the southern state of Bavaria, has an extra pair of slightly smaller, non-hearing ears just behind the normal two. Vets attribute the phenomenon to a gene mutation.

 

"We want to find Lilly the loving home she deserves. She is very kind and not a monster," said an employee at a sanctuary caring for Lilly and her nine normal brothers and sisters.

 

Farmers often give kittens away rather than pay to have them neutered to avoid over-breeding, sanctuary officials said.

 

Lilly would be neutered and available to a new owner around two weeks later, they said.

 

"She is healthy and can hear perfectly well but only through the front pair," said Tessy Loedermann, from the animal protection group in Garmisch-Partenkirchen, which runs the home.

 

"It often happens with animals' feet when the cells form in an unusual way. But I have never ever seen it with ears before," she said.

 

http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200403/r18084_44499.jpg

 

BTW forrestgump, LOL (I love the Kathleen Robertson of Austin one!)

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IN REPLY TO A POST BY mminion, Fri 02/04/04 09:17am

LookSmart continues an upwards move on wild 'speculation' of being bought out.

 

Could 'Piping Hot' could be another LOOK 'buyout' candidate ???

---------------------------------------------

 

<Piping Hot Dogs Rises from Dot-Com Graveyard

By Stephanie Losi E-Commerce Times April 1, 2004

 

Hot dog stand owner Jim McMahon has announced the triumphant return of his company, Piping Hot Dogs.com, from the dot-com graveyard.

"We really learned our lesson, man," McMahon said in an interview Thursday. "For a while, dot-com became dot-bomb, you know? It was like a stigma. People saw the .com on my cart and walked the other way. They didn't want to talk to me. But things are changing, man. I feel it in the air."

 

The freshly unveiled hot-dog cart features a brand-new coat of yellow paint with the company name rendered in fire-engine red. "I'm optimistic about the future," McMahon said. "I've really learned my lesson."

The Internet era has been one long roller coaster for McMahon. After years toiling in obscurity, he first added the .com extension to his hot dog cart's name in late 1997 using a can of red paint and his lucky paintbrush. "Piping Hot Dogs.com was a major player in the space at the corner of Broadway and Maiden Lane," said Venture

 

However, when the Internet downturn hit, traffic slowed to a crawl at Piping Hot Dogs.

"More and more people were bringing lunch instead of eating out," McMahon said, "and the guy that used to buy 10 dogs a day got canned."

"I've developed a secret sauce," McMahon said. "It's only in beta, but I'm very focused on achieving ROI, so you can bet I'll be ultra-responsive to customer feedback."

 

"We're focused on profitability now," he said. "Forget banana chili dogs -- our real profit center is foot-longs, and that's where we plan to focus our energy in the second quarter."

Piping Hot Dogs.com reported revenue of $150,000 in the fiscal year ended December 31, 2003, up more than 120 percent from the previous year's results. The company also turned a profit for the first time in its history, posting a net gain of a shiny nickel.

 

McMahon proudly displays the nickel in a commemorative coin holder atop his hot dog cart. "This is what we at Piping Hot Dogs.com have worked for over the past four years," he said. "I'd like to thank my mother, my cousin Nick and my friend Joel for letting me crash on their couches when I was evicted. Even if cousin Nick did kick me out after three weeks."

 

Big Improvement

How did a onetime dot-com highflier go from venture-capital riches to eviction? As it turns out, hot dogs weren't the only things McMahon was cooking. In 2002, Piping Hot Dogs posted just $62,000 in revenue against a net loss of $4.5 million, which included a one-time charge of $2.5 million for McMahon's Central Park West penthouse apartment.

"That place is a damn sight better than the old rathole I used to live in," McMahon said at the time in a rare slip of the tongue. "Er, I mean, the new facility is a state-of-the-art distribution center that will improve stocking capabilities and increase employee morale, resulting in a trickle-down effect of improved service to consumers and a corresponding increase in revenue."

 

"Call me crazy, but I believe a distribution center is supposed to contain products," Spitzer said in a statement released after the verdict was announced. "When law enforcement officers entered the apartment, all they found was furniture, electronics and a lot of Richard Simmons DVDs. They checked the refrigerator and there wasn't a hot dog in sight."

----------------------------------------------

 

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LC

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Poetic justice ......

 

An 18-year-old man drowned near Eudora, Ark., in December, when he accidentally fell into a pit of water while attempting to drown his pit bull (which he thought was too old and docile), and the manÃÆâ€â„¢ÃƒÆ’ƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚¢ÃƒÆ’¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢â€š¬Ã…¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚¬ÃƒÆ’…¡Ãƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚¬ÃƒÆ’¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢Ã¢â€š¬Ã…¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚¬ÃƒÆ’…¾Ãƒâہ¡ÃƒÆ’‚¢s father also drowned when he jumped in to save his son. (The dog survived.)

 

And one for all the scrooges out there......

 

And police in Tokyo announced in January that they had charged two men recently with illegally hooking up to a stores' electricity at night in order to power their mobile phone and portable stereo, respectively, cheating the stores out of the equivalent of about 1 cent each.

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.

 

 

 

He breaks into a house to look for money and finds a young couple in

 

 

 

bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While

 

tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck,

 

then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

 

 

 

While he's in there the husband tells his wife:" Listen, this guys

 

an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of

 

time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed

 

your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do

 

whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates

 

you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry. he'll

 

kill us. Be strong honey, I love you."

 

 

 

To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck, he was

 

whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute,

 

and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.

 

 

 

Be strong honey . I love you too. http://www.sharescene.com/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif

 

 

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Hi Trinity,

 

Thanks Trinity. If the file is over 4.88mb (see guide on file attachments), then setting your powerpoint presentation up on a web page and providing a link sounds like a good idea.

 

IT is not my forte, maybe Mminion could comment when he has a moment.

 

Regards,

Cris

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