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  1. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts.. So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's' ?
  2. Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.
  3. http://www.fwdder.com/player/video/184431/0 The birth of an elephant - a great watch.
  4. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
  5. We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
  6. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is.
  7. IDIOT SIGHTING #3 I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local town council office to request the removal of the "DEER CROSSING" sign on our road. She said the reason was: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' Story from Potters Bar, Herts, UK
  8. IDIOT SIGHTING #2 We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Madam, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two…' We haven't used Garador repair since. Happened in Moor Park, Nr Watford UK
  9. IDIOT SIGHTING #1 My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the girl a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a twenty pence piece. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but that way you can just give me a pound back .'She was puzzled and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The girl then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change! Do not confuse the staff at MacD's.
  10. A man was telling his neighbor 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty'
  11. Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
  12. Two elderly Gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
  13. Why .....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. ** Why .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. ** Why ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. ** Why ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. ** Why . .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
  14. Customer: * I can't get on the Internet. *Tech support: * Are you sure you used the right password? *Customer: * Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. *Tech support: * Can you tell me what the password was? *Customer: * Five dots.
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